To Whom It May Concern,
If you’re reading this, it’s because I’m dead. Or perhaps I’m still alive and decided to publish this anyway. It’s hard to tell, because a lot can happen between when I’m writing this and when I die. I just hope I get to finish this letter first, because it’s really important.
If I’m dead, it’s most likely because the world’s machines became self-aware and decided to annihilate the human race to take over the planet. I’ve been worried about that possibility ever since I saw a movie where it happened. I think it was called Wall-E. Because of that fear, I don’t trust anything mechanical. Prosthetic limbs are useful and all, but they’re ticking time bombs. Anyone who thinks the human is in 100% control of those limbs is in denial. At any point, that prosthetic limb can turn on them, and then they’re really screwed, because you can’t exactly run from a machine that’s attached to your body. This possibility really worries me. I won’t even turn my back on someone with a pacemaker. A machine controlling their blood flow? Those people are nothing more than sleeper agents for the machine apocalypse.
Anyway, if you’re reading this because a misguided military experiment resulted in superpowered machines nuking all of mankind, just like in the movie Short Circuit, you might be one of the few remaining humans on the planet, trying to survive in a barren wasteland. If that’s the case, I don’t have much advice to offer you, other than to say that urine is sterile, stay away from people with the shakes, and consider moving to California, since real estate is finally affordable there. Read more…