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Posts Tagged ‘birthday’

Why turning 31 made me worry about Keanu Reeves

August 29, 2011 4 comments

I had a birthday recently, so I spent it like I spend most of my birthdays: ratcheting up my self-hatred by examining how little I accomplished in the last year of my life. For some, a birthday gives a sense of renewal and a look ahead to everything you will accomplish in the next year. To me, it’s a time to remind myself that I didn’t accomplish anything since the last next year.

I am 31 now, which means I’m not even 30 anymore. I’m now thirty something. At this point, I wanted to be married with kids, a dog, a nice house, and a good job. I would be working at home as a novelist or screenwriter. How much of that have I accomplished? Well, I have a dog. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes, my wife would be Kate Beckinsale (if you’ve been reading me for a while, you already knew that). Read more…

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Categories: Musings Tags: , , ,

The Great Panera Birthday Letdown

August 22, 2011 11 comments

Today I was excited to get an email from Panera Bread, because when you are a 30-year-old single guy with no family and a job that’s more boring than a Moby song, something like this can actually get you excited. It’s my birthday in two days, so Panera sent me an email wishing me a happy birthday. That was very nice of them, and also surprising, since I haven’t received a birthday card from any family or friends.

The email said they put a special birthday surprise on my Panera card, so I had to head over there to find out what the surprise was. I had all kinds of ideas in my head, but was prepared for being let down, because it would be hard for Panera to deliver what I was imagining.

“♫ Happy Birthday… ♫”

Was it what I was looking for? Not exactly. By not letting me know what the prize is, they let my imagination run wild, so I imagined the best fantasy birthday present that Panera Bread could offer. So while the free pastry was nice, it doesn’t top Kate Beckinsale popping out of a birthday cake, singing happy birthday to me and then feeding me soup. And in case you’re wondering, Kate was dressed as her character from Underworld. Hey, those movies may not be much plot-wise, but they’re fun to look at.

I suppose I was expecting too much from a company that pushes overpriced (but tasty) deli sandwiches and salads. If there is one restaurant that could offer a worthy birthday surprise, it would be Hooters, where food is secondary to boobs, tights and 80’s track shorts. Or someplace with an awesome New York Strip. Unfortunately, though I love pretty much everything else about Hooters, their food sucks. And since that’s kind of important for a restaurant, I don’t eat there. Read more…