Posts Tagged ‘dating’

What splitting possessions says about you

October 9, 2012 6 comments

Mankind at its core is a selfish animal, one that is concerned with consuming things and collecting things. Well, that and having sex with things. Pretty much those are our passions. We like having things and many of us define ourselves by what we have and what we don’t have. Never is that more apparent than any time possessions are split and divided.

How possessions are split says a lot about the parties involved. For instance, splitting payment on a TV or entertainment system with your girlfriend is saying “I hope we stay together forever.” It’s also saying “I am a huge idiot who didn’t learn anything from any of my past failed relationships.” Once you break up, you have to convince her that it’s pretty much your TV; you just let her watch it sometimes. You can try that, but you would probably have better odds of convincing her that you didn’t break up. Read more…


Bad food will leave you single

August 28, 2012 5 comments

Dinner is probably the most common activity for a first date. It is something that is safe and allows you to talk and get to know each other. Sure, you can try something a little more original, such as touring ancient ruins, or a little wilder, like skydiving, but your date might not be into that. Dinner dates are safe because, with the exception of anorexics, everyone enjoys eating.

“So, do you like food?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh my god! So do I! We have so much in common already.”

Even if you do go on a date with an anorexic, dinner is fine. It just means that she’ll save you money by ordering a salad and that her breath will smell bad after her little trip to the restroom. I’ve done dinner dates many times, usually followed by some fun activity – definitely not seeing a movie. There probably isn’t a worse date idea than seeing a movie. Read more…

The over 30 single (so-called) life

August 20, 2012 10 comments

Single life is hard, but it’s harder still when you’re in your 30s (or older). Every couple you know and every couple you see is a constant reminder that you’ve been left behind. While your friends are raising children, you are still eating ramen noodles alone on the sofa while watching 30 Rock before passing out alone and wondering whether or not it is actually weird to spoon with your dog at night.

One of my favorite lines from 30 Rock came from Liz Lemon, whose love life is as bad as mine. When a friend asked if she had plans, she said “No, I was going to take this class called ‘Cooking for One’ but then the teacher killed himself.” Read more…

Sushi makes me stupid

August 14, 2012 8 comments

So apparently some people like to eat sushi. That’s what I keep hearing, anyway. I’m never sure if the people saying it really feel that way, though. It’s kind of like when people say they like Radiohead. You never know if they’re really a fan or if they just think it makes them cool to say they like the band (for the record, I like Radiohead… No, really).

I think some people say they like sushi because it makes them seem cultured and sophisticated. Other people actually like the food. To be honest, I’ve never seen the point. After all, one of mankind’s greatest achievements was harnessing fire. That allowed man to cook food and no longer have to eat raw mastodon, which was great, because fighting off attacking dinosaurs is much easier when you’re not sick from food poisoning. Choosing to eat food raw would be like riding a horse and buggy to work. Sure, you can do it if you want, but doing so when we invented a much better form of transportation just seems odd.

King Louie knew importance of man’s red fire

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